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I spoke recently to a group of teenagers on how to develop personal skills to effectively deal with “real life.” At one point, I related a family story that brought tears to my eyes because of the deep feelings it brought back. A young girl kindly brought me a tissue and shared, “Don’t be afraid to be emotional, it shows you really care. It’s not always good to come off as strong, and it’s okay to be vulnerable.”
Sometimes the best way to be there for others and serve as an example is by being real about our own life even as we work to improve it. And by recognizing that to be the best mentor, friend, spouse, parent, or grandparent we can be, we need to be the best person we can be.
But how do we do that? How do we work on our problems, improve our lives, and yet still serve as an example for others at the same time?
It includes knowing it’s okay not to be okay, but we don’t have to stay that way. Hearing words we yearn for that bring us peace and hope. Being responsible for our choices and understanding some choices can be harmful. And learning how to live life well no matter what.
Many of us don’t do those things, which is a shame. Because do you know how many people struggle with personal issues of some sort?
How many deal with anxiety, depression, or substance abuse? Or compulsive habits involving eating, money, or other people? Problems with anger, control, or procrastination? Or insecurity, people-pleasing, or loneliness? And how many are spiritually lost and hopeless?
After years of research and learning from dozens of informed experts, I know exactly how many people struggle in some way: everyone!
A while ago, I wrote an article on “What Every Teenager Needs to Hear” about meaningful messages young people yearn for, even if they aren’t aware of it. That got me thinking: are there things every grown up needs to hear? Yes, there are, and they’re largely the same ones!
I hope these messages help you take steps toward becoming a whole person who uses your heart, soul, mind, and strength to grow closer to God, improve your life, and prevent some of the problems we all face. Which will help you find hope for the future, peace with the past, and joy in the present. That will make you a good steward of your own wellness, and you’ll also be setting a positive example for others.
The good news is there are enduring principles and practical truths that can help you find wholeness in your life and serve others as well …
Your Heart: Knowing It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
It’s okay not to be okay – If you have something bothering you, it’s okay, because we all have issues at times. Many people deal with depression or anxiety or other problems, so hang in there and things can get better.
You can always talk to God – God wants you to talk to him about what’s going on in your life, and he is a good listener. You can tell him about the bad things as well as the good ones, and he will understand and be there for you.
It’s helps to talk to other people – If you are feeling down, worried, or tempted, talk to someone about it. Get with your spouse or a friend. Or reach out to a counselor, pastor, or another professional. Be vulnerable and share your heart with someone.
Your Soul: Hearing the Words You Yearn For
You are loved – God loves you very much. You are a blessing, and there is nothing you can ever do that will separate you from his love. Yes, God means that message for you, deeply and personally, and he’ll keep whispering it until you hear it.
“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)
You have great value – You are designed in a special way. You have unique talents that set you apart from everyone else on earth. God did a very good work in you, and your worth is not tied to your accomplishments.
“You formed the way I think and feel. You put me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because you made me in such a wonderful way.” (Psalm 139:13)
You have a good future – God is cheering your progress, and he has purposes and good plans for you. There is meaning and significance in who you are and what you will do with your life, and he will be with you every step of the way.
“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Your Mind: Being Responsible for Your Choices
God has boundaries for you to observe – Because God loves you, he has given you instructions on how you should live. If you follow them, you will have more peace and joy in your life, and he can even use your mistakes and failures to help you move forward.
You are responsible for your choices – If you make bad decisions, God may use them as an opportunity for you to learn. Because he wants what is best for you, he will allow you to suffer the consequences of your choices so you can move on to a better life.
God will forgive you – If you make a mistake, it’s better to confess it so you can get it behind you. There may be consequences, but things will generally be better than they would be otherwise. God will still love you, and when you repent he will forgive you.
Understanding That Some Choices Can Be Very Harmful
Alcohol and drugs can be dangerous – Choosing to take any mind-altering substance can be harmful, and many people slip into addiction gradually. Your safest bet is to avoid them entirely or at least be very conscious about preventing issues and addiction.
Some choices are very dangerous – Driving or being in the car with a driver under the influence can get you, or someone else, killed. Some drugs are so addictive or deadly they can harm you quickly, even if they are slipped into something you take unknowingly.
Addiction can happen to anyone – Addiction is an insidious disease that damages the brain. Every time you use a mind-altering substance, the risk gets bigger. Some people are more prone to addiction than others, but it can happen to anyone. Including you.
Your Strength: Living Well No Matter What
As I was writing this article, a trial appeared that changed my circumstances in just a moment. Things were great, and then they weren’t.
What I experienced brought volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. There’s a word for that—VUCA is the acronym—that I wrote about in the article “Thriving in a VUCA World.” We all face VUCA at times, and it can lead us to feel disappointment, doubt, and fear.
Or such trials and problems can lead to faith and blessings. But perhaps not in the way we would normally want or expect, because we prefer it when life is easy and predictable. Which brings me to add three more things to the list of what every grown up needs to hear:
Life will have many trials and disappointments – You have likely figured this out about life already, but you will always have troubles. That’s not how we would design it, but it seems to be how life is meant to be. Paradoxically, trials often lead us toward something good.
Life may not be as comfortable or predictable as you want – We all have a relentless desire for things to work out how we want them to. And we take our eyes off one of life’s biggest lessons: it’s not all about us! When we finally figure that out, that also turns out well for us.
Life can have great meaning, purpose, and joy in our trials – God lives and thrives in our VUCA world, and so can we. Our deepest trials can lead to our greatest blessings. Our disappointment becomes humility, doubt turns into dependence, and fear leads to faith.
As you become more whole, life will take on new meaning and significance. You will be able to find more peace, joy, and purpose on a daily basis, no matter what circumstances are swirling around you. And you will learn to know and depend on God in a whole new way.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30)
Which brings us to the most important thing every grown up needs to not only hear but to believe: God is good, and he is in control. And when you get down to it, that’s all we really need to know to deal with our problems, improve our lives, and serve as an example.
Our job is to listen to what every grown up needs to hear and keep taking the next right steps to be the best person we can be.
Next Right Steps: Pick one of the items above to think, pray, and meditate about and decide the next right steps you will take.
