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[Note from Steve Ward: Carter is our oldest son. He is doing great now, but his journey included issues with drugs and alcohol when he was a teenager, so I asked him if he had any advice to parents.]
Hi, Carter Ward here.
Dad (you know him as Steve) is actually writing down these words for all of you, but I’m telling him what I want to say (ha ha). He asked me if I would come up with some advice to parents on how to help protect their kids from addiction, so I said I’d give it a shot.
First, I don’t especially like the word “protect.” Because I’m not sure it works that way in real life—parents can’t totally shield their kids from what they will face as a teenager. They can prepare them, and that can make a big difference, but it will be up to them to make their own choices.
That’s just the way it is with teenagers.
How It All Began
I was 14 and had never been out of the country, so it was pretty cool when my friend John’s parents invited David and me to go with them to the Bahamas. We jumped right into all the fun stuff you can do there—boating, fishing, snorkeling, the beach—and were soon having a blast.
One day we were walking in town and passed a liquor store, and soon we were daring each other to try to buy something. I was never good at letting a dare go by, so I went in and grabbed a couple of bottles. Amazingly, the guy at the counter hardly looked at me as I paid for the liquor.
I didn’t have much experience with alcohol at the time. My parents had told me all the things that are wrong with drinking and drugs, but I didn’t see anything terrible with giving it a try. So we did, and we all loved it! It was fun, we had a great time, and nothing bad happened. Maybe my parents were wrong, maybe they just didn’t understand.
Because the way I felt was unlike anything I had experienced before, and I decided I liked it.
Advice to Parents
Dad asked for my advice to parents in 5 areas, so here are some thoughts to consider:
Preparation – Proactive Lifestyle
- Help them get a balanced understanding of what life is really like, good and bad.
- Teach them that responsibilities come first, and fun comes later.
Awareness – Understanding Their World
- Pay attention to more than what they do, but also their thoughts, feelings and mannerisms.
- Help them develop awareness of all the different factors involved in drinking and drugs.
Connection – Relationships and Help
- Encourage them about opening up but don’t force it before they’re ready.
- Find people similar to their age and personality they can talk to and relate to.
- Try to understand and relate to them, but understand you are not them, and it will be hard to put yourself fully into their shoes.
Education – Managing Life
- Teach them early and educate—not frighten—them about what drinking is like.
- Help them develop good activities where they can have fun without alcohol.
- Don’t freak out if they experiment with drinking and help them learn to be responsible.
Steps – Purpose and Plan
- Work with them to help them find out what their goals are.
- Don’t force your agenda for what you think they ought to do.
- Help them find their passion and take steps to achieve it, but they need to do it.
My closing thoughts are to say that every teenager is different, but anything you can do to connect to their world is helpful. And know that you really can’t control or fix them, but you can make a big difference by giving them the tools to lead a happy and successful life.
Question: What would your kids say if you asked them for their advice to parents?
Action: Think about the top few things you want to focus on as a parent this year.
