We all yearn for something more than what we have. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
During my early adult life, I was searching for something, and I didn’t even know what it was that I was looking for. On the outside, life was going great: I was doing well in my career, and I was also enjoying partying and having fun with my friends. “Work hard, play hard” seemed to be going okay.
But, without being conscious of what I was doing, I was experimenting with different lifestyles—achievement, recognition, and making money but also drinking, excitement, and pleasure—to see which would bring me the something that seemed to be lacking in my life.
There are universal values that we all yearn for, even if we aren’t aware of it, that play a huge role in making our life experience more complete. What I didn’t know at the time was that I was moving toward a series of milestones—epiphanies—that would help me recognize what life is all about.
Everyone’s journey is different. The way we encounter the milestones in our lives may vary, but we all yearn for universal values such as community, meaning, purpose, identity, and contribution.
We Yearn for Community
My “Before”: Even with friends and family, I didn’t feel deeply connected to anyone. Life was pretty much all about me: my comfort, my pleasure, my ego. Empathy and love seemed elusive.
We yearn for something: To be accepted by others, rather than remaining lonely and emotionally isolated. To not only have people who care for us, but to also care for them in an unselfish manner.
We have questions: “How can I fit in (be accepted)? How do I connect and share life with others?”
We face an epiphany: “It’s not all about me. I am meant to invest in others and have relationship.”
My “After”: For me, getting married and having kids taught me community. For the first time, I felt unconditional love for someone else. Life wasn’t only about me anymore. And I saw that the completeness of community can also be found with friends, people we serve, and even humanity.
We Yearn for Meaning
My “Before”: During those early years, I didn’t think about spirituality much. But in my late 30s, I started investigating faith and learning about God. The good news was that I was open-minded; I felt that I was on a search for truth. I didn’t yet know that the truth would change everything.
We yearn for something: To know why we are here on earth, rather than struggling with fear or hopelessness. To feel there is a cause—a something—so big that we can gratefully surrender to it.
We have questions: “What is the meaning of my life, and what’s the point of it all? Why am I here?”
We face an epiphany: “God is real, he is good, and he is in control. And that changes everything.”
My “After”: My intellectual curiosity led me to learn about God. My innate yearning for meaning made me want to be part of something real. Getting to know people who believed in God proved that he was not only real, but that he changes lives. My spiritual growth was a journey, until it finally became a step—a choice—that changed everything.
We Yearn for Purpose
My “Before”: It was comforting to see that life had meaning, and that I could be part of it. But how? What was my particular purpose; what was I supposed to do that was significant. I wasn’t sure.
We yearn for something: To be part of something larger than us, rather than smothering under a blanket of discouragement or insignificance.
We have questions: “I feel I’m meant to be part of something bigger, but what is it? What dreams am I designed to pursue?”
We face an epiphany: “I am designed for something bigger than me, and it includes serving others.”
My “After”: We all have a journey, and we all have a calling—a mission or life work. For me, it was to serve people who were hurting, perhaps even disenfranchised or facing stigma. Not only did I feel called to help hurting people, but I felt deeply grateful to be able to do so. That’s significance!
We Yearn for Identity
My “Before”: We all have a voice that speaks to us with persuasive words of fear, discouragement, and shame. For me, the voice whispered: “You’re a fake. You’re stupid, and you’re fooling anyone who doesn’t see it.” While portraying confidence on the outside, I felt insecurity on the inside.
We yearn for something: To be content and to feel comfortable with who we are rather than being burdened by guilt and shame.
We have questions: “Who am I, really, deep down inside? Am I a good person, bad, some of both?”
We face an epiphany: “It’s okay not to be okay. I’m not broken or alone, and I have value.”
My “After”: Transformation often happens a step at a time and is a lifetime journey. I came to face my addiction to alcohol and found that with serenity and courage I can have a better life without drinking. Finding my identity in humility and acceptance brought a deep new level of peace.
We Yearn for Contribution
My “Before”: I didn’t feel I had to change the world, but I felt that I was supposed to do something with what I had been given. It felt selfish and somehow wrong to ignore that responsibility.
We yearn for something: To add value to the world rather than live with anxiety and discontent.
We have questions: “What is my role in life? I feel like I’m faking it; what do I do to feel content?”
We face an epiphany: “I can be content by taking the next right steps, one day at a time.”
My “After”: I wanted to be a good steward of capabilities I was given to contribute to the world. I soon came to see that doing so was energizing, and it felt right. Now, there is one dream that drives me every day to do what I can to contribute. It is the vision of hearing God say, “Well done.”
We all yearn for something more, something that is bigger than us. And there are universal values that resonate with us as strongly today as they have with billions of people around the world for centuries. They include: community, meaning, purpose, identity, and contribution.
The good news is that we can find answers to the inner questions we keep wondering about, and we can encounter and learn from occasional epiphanies that serve as key milestones in our lives.
We all yearn for more. And that’s a good thing.
Question: Which of the values of community, meaning, purpose, identity, and contribution do you yearn for the most in your life?
Next Right Step: Think of one small thing you can do to take a step toward living out that value.
