Everyone wants to belong, nobody wants to feel left out
Brianna had a lot going for her—until her life came apart.
This story has a happy ending, though. She eventually grew into the young woman she was always meant to be, and she is happy now. But for years, it didn’t seem like things would go that way as her life grew darker. Even though she was around other people, she still felt alone.
Brianna was smart, on the basketball team, and had friends. But then she started hanging out with a group with one primary common interest: partying, alcohol, and drugs. Her grades dropped, and she began getting into trouble. Her relationship with God faded into the background, and she increasingly started treating her parents as the enemy.
But Brianna also stayed connected to some positive people as well. She may have ignored their advice for a few years, but inside she knew they were right. She staggered along in her adopted lifestyle, a path that took her to running away at times and both jail and recovery. Until she got sick and tired of living that way, which is when she started taking steps in the right direction.
It matters—a lot—where teenagers find connection and belonging. Having positive relationships is fun, and it helps us deal with life—especially the bad parts—better. But it can be hard to make friends, especially if we’re insecure, which we all are at times. And what we may miss is that hanging around people with bad habits can lead us to do that too. But we can learn to connect with others better.
When we are looking for connection, we may face some important choices. We may feel nervous about reaching out and getting to know new people, but it’s worth the effort in the long run. The keys are to be yourself rather than faking it, treat others the way you want to be treated, and take it a step at a time. The best news of all is that you already have a friend—God—who is only a prayer away.
When you’re hurting, it helps to talk to someone you trust. That’s where God comes in again because he will always be there for you, and he understands what you’re going through. It’s also good to talk to positive people who want the best for you. And when you’re really hurting, no matter what, make sure you get some help! To get more connected in positive ways, here are three things you can do:
Participate in Healthy Activities
Do you want to have fun and make friends? A good way to connect with people is to participate in an activity with them. Friendships develop naturally that way, and it’s fun doing things together. If you’re shy, that’s okay, it’s worth stepping out of your comfort zone a bit.
- Pick positive activities you like – Life is more fun when you’re doing things you enjoy, and it’s good to have hobbies or activities that get you around other people. Pick things you like to do, help you learn or practice something new, or serve a cause. Then, get started!
- Find a good group to join – Everyone wants to fit in somewhere. If that’s you, find a club, church group, or organization that allows you to be around positive people. Make the commitment to stay involved, try to be friendly, and get to know the others in the group.
- Have some healthy outlets – If you’re having a bad day, you’ll feel better if you take a positive step to cope with the situation. You can listen to good music, take a walk, talk to a friend, pray, or do something fun. If you’re really down, be sure you talk to someone about it.
Build Encouraging Friendships
Many young people feel left out, lonely, or isolated. That’s hard on any of us, but there are steps you can take that will help. First, be on the lookout for positive people to hang around. Then be intentional, be pleasant, and be authentic as you try to gradually get to know them.
- Practice effective communication – Communicating well builds relationships. Try it by focusing on listening closely, showing interest in other people, asking questions, and listening some more. Don’t dominate the conversation but share your thoughts and feelings too.
- Learn how to make good friends – To make friends who care about you as a person, hang around good people and invest time to get to know them. Be yourself. Let them be themselves. Build them up versus tearing them down. Treat them how you want to be treated.
- Be there for others when needed – People you know will struggle at times, and you can make a difference in their lives when they do. When they’re hurting, be there for them by choosing to: be aware, be available, be authentic, be trustworthy, and be encouraging.
Develop a relationship with God
It’s awesome to know you can have a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. It’s not that hard, because God wants to be your friend as well as your Lord and Savior. In good times and in bad times, he is patiently waiting for you to reach out to him to talk.
- Understand what God is like – No matter how lonely or left out you may feel at times, God is always there for you. He sincerely wants to have a relationship with you! He knows everything about you now, so you don’t have to hide anything, and he loves you just as you are.
- Talk to God just like a friend – You can be real with good friends, and God is the same way. Don’t over-think it when you pray, just be yourself and say what’s on your mind. Talk to God any time, share your thoughts and wishes and fears, and ask for advice and help.
- Agree to let God help you – God wants you to be healthy and happy, and he will forgive anything you feel guilty about. If you’re lonely, anxious, or sad, he loves you too much to leave you there. Get started by thinking of one step you feel God wants you to take in your life.
Next Right Steps: See the next of this article series: “Teenagers Learn How to Manage Situations by Getting Education on Real Life.”
