How to Live a Life with Purpose – Part 4
There is some wonderful news that can make your life better. Starting today.
It is an epiphany that changes how we look at our life, a breakthrough that turns the rat race of the normal into an adventure of discovery. Because our purpose is not a goal we pursue for years to find or an outcome we must work hard to obtain. It’s not a destination at all. It’s a journey, and we can live with purpose every day.
We’ve all heard the metaphor “life is a journey,” and I’m ignoring one of the principles of writing to use such a familiar cliché. But I will, because it’s true. Our purpose in life is a trajectory with a starting point, direction, and path. I wasn’t aware of that in college, even after a year of Physics. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going. Afterwards, it took me decades to find my path.
But whoever you are and wherever you’re heading, please know this: you can change your path today.
“The person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.” (Thomas Carlyle)
Make an Impact by Living on Purpose One Day at a Time
Imagine we’re in a car traveling across the country. We have a map, but it has blank spots that need to be filled in. We meet people who can offer guidance, though it’s not always complete. We’ve been given a GPS, but it’s hard to hear the quiet directional voice at times. Which means we have to keep our eyes open along the way. Because we’re the one responsible for driving.
But how do we know where to go? And what will our journey be like along the way?
Follow a Plan We Adjust as Our Values Change
Many of us have a plan for our finances and projects at work. We plan our vacations. We even plan the television shows we record for later. Why don’t we plan our life?
A life plan doesn’t have to be complicated. It starts with capturing a vision for the future by identifying our values. Then, we prioritize a few objectives to aim for and capture some short-term commitments to move in that direction. We can build a great plan in a half-day, or we can create a good one in an hour.
We can start living with purpose in about two minutes.
We simply think about one of our values, identify an objective to give us direction, and take the first step. That’s what living with purpose is all about. Here are some examples:
- Anthony wants to have meaningful connections with people, so he calls someone he knows to ask if they want to grab coffee.
- Joan wants to make an impact. She doesn’t have to change the world, just do her part, so she volunteers at the animal shelter.
- Tim believes in social justice. He recognizes an opportunity to make a difference when a homeless person on the street asks him for change. Tim looks him in the eye, asks his name, and patiently listens to his story.
- Alicia desires for her kids to feel loved and valued. Each day, she encourages each of them on something they are doing.
- Randy wants to grow spiritually. Every morning, he has fifteen minutes to read the Bible, pray, and listen for what God has to say.
All of us can live out our values more consistently if we take the time to identify what they are.
But our values change over time as we begin to dwell more deeply on things that matter. The more we think about our values, the more defined and clear they become. We may need to adjust our path based on those changes, and we get better direction each time we add a piece to the map.
In college and my early adult years, my values were largely a byproduct of the impulsive lifestyle choices I was making. Therefore, my subconscious map was directing me toward self-absorption, compulsion with control, alcoholism, and mediocrity.
But over time, my values developed more clearly, and I was able to fill in the map and adjust my path. During the span of just a few years starting in my late thirties, this led to some big changes in the direction of my life.
For example, here are choices my wife and I were guided to make: she left work to stay home with our two boys; we committed to our faith; I started volunteering at an inner city family center; she started a Bible study with her tennis team; we enrolled the boys in a Christian school; we began donating more to our church; I set limits at work for hours, travel, and relocation; I changed jobs to move into a position I was more designed for; and we moved to another city to be closer to family.
In later years, our values continued to become clearer. We both finally gave up our addiction to alcohol. She started sponsoring other women who were struggling, and I found a cause worth fighting for to help hurting people. I started writing and later felt called to leave IBM to start a nonprofit ministry.
I mention those examples humbly. The point is not that my wife and I became wiser, although hopefully we all do over time. In fact, I still make bad choices every day. I lose sight of my values, get lost for a while, and must adjust my path to get back on track.
The point is that we clarified our values and found purpose. As we did, choices that seemed difficult before became much easier. Because we had a map to follow.
“When your footsteps and thoughts carry you down the same path your heart and soul are directing you, you will know without a doubt that you are headed in the right direction.” (Molly Friedenfeld)
Find Direction and Purpose in the Roles We Play
We all play many roles at work, in our family, among our friends, and with acquaintances and people we meet every day. We can live with purpose in each of those roles, and we can find direction as we do.
As one example, since we spend so many hours at our jobs, it’s worth considering how we live with purpose in our vocation. There are some great books on the topic including Every Good Endeavor where Tim Keller discusses the design and dignity of work and how we find direction for identifying purpose in what we do.
Work takes on purpose when we recognize God wants us to play a role in helping manage the world he created, and it pleases him when we strive to be excellent at what we do. Our vocation helps us support our family, one of our most important ministries. What we earn allows us to be generous with others, and our skills and experience position us to be of service in our community.
We can serve other people at work. Every day, we can be helpful to co-workers, respectful of managers, and compassionate with those we manage. We can be a positive example by bringing our values to work with us. Most people are not called to leave their jobs to go into vocational ministry, and we can all find purpose wherever we work.
The same goes for each of our roles. If we are struggling to find purpose, all we need to do is open our eyes and look around. This is a wonderful technique to help us build a life plan. It can be as simple as writing down our roles and capturing an objective and commitment for each one. For example: “As a friend, I want to be there for people when they are hurting. When something is going on with them, I will give them a call and say something encouraging.”
We find purpose when we serve others, no matter what our role. We can all choose to be friendly, say something nice, or just listen. We aren’t in control of them or the outcome. We serve our purpose by getting our heart in the right place and taking the first step.
We can also learn from the people we encounter and find direction in all our roles. If we choose to humbly seek insight from every relationship, it will change how we interact with people. It will have a positive impact on them, and we will benefit as well.
As a byproduct of what I do, I find myself looking for purpose a lot, but I still miss it much of the time. It’s there, but I sometimes lose the clarity to see it or the conviction to latch onto it as much as I should.
During some of my years at IBM, I struggled to find significance in marketing and selling computer systems to large corporations even though I knew intellectually we can all find purpose in our jobs. I had to work at purpose to find purpose at work (sorry).
Yet I saw that my brother has great purpose as a Chik-fil-A operator and my wife as she balances the books for a nonprofit. I know stay-at-home husbands with clear direction and business executives who are serving their purpose in how they run their company. While eating out recently, I watched a fifty-year-old “busboy” clearing dishes with such pride and purpose that it was striking.
But I sometimes lose sight of purpose in the roles I play. As an author, I am often writing to myself as I talk about topics such as this one. As the leader of a nonprofit, I struggle with the purpose in business-like aspects of that role. As a husband, I lose sight of my responsibility to build up my wife. As a dad, I have blind spots in how I communicate which defeats my purpose as a father.
I also forget how much I can learn from the people around me. My sight becomes clouded by my addiction to control, compulsion with hurry, haste to get to the point, impatience from busy-ness, and ego about being right all the time.
I’ll read my own writing to remind myself purpose is a journey, not a destination. It’s a way of living, not an outcome, and it’s in my heart rather than the goals I achieve. My purpose is around me every day. I just need to remember to keep my eyes open.
“No man or woman is an island. To exist just for yourself is meaningless. You can achieve the most satisfaction when you feel related to some greater purpose in life, something greater than yourself.” (Denis Waitley)
Make Adjustments Based on Guidance We Are Given
Our conscience is that inner sense of right and wrong we all possess. Like using a GPS when driving, it helps us know when to turn or go straight. If we have clarity about our values, our inner GPS will direct us along our journey. Unless we turn it off.
Even many atheists and agnostics believe in a conscience because they experience it. They may think our conscience comes from how evolution shaped our neurobiology for social living. And that our moral rules were created through natural selection to optimize our capacity to live in groups to survive. But most people agree we have such an inner guidance system.
I also believe God will guide our path if we choose to listen to him. If we humbly and sincerely ask him for help and follow his directions, God will direct us along our way. We may not discern his guidance at times, or it might not be clear, so we need to pay close attention. Sometimes, it may not be what we want to hear. But it’s always the best route to take.
Whether we refer to our inner guidance system as our conscience or God, it’s our choice whether we follow those directions or not. If we choose to listen, we can adjust our path to take us where we are meant to go. That’s living with purpose.
I was a high-functioning alcoholic for more than 30 years. My inner guidance system was sending me signals as early as my college years, but I didn’t pay much attention to them. I thought I knew where I wanted to go, so why listen?
Over the years, the signals got louder. But I turned up the radio of my rationalizations to drown out the unwanted input I didn’t want to hear. Looking back, I’m not sure when and how God was guiding me, but I’m certain he was. When I came to faith at the age of forty, I committed to follow his directions. But for years, I used the prideful noise of my well-intended good deeds to overwhelm God’s gentle voice asking me to adjust my path.
I wasn’t on the right road, and my GPS kept recalibrating to show me the way back. Eventually, I turned it off, and I even unplugged the device and hid it in the trunk as an extra precaution. But I could still hear it, and the volume got even louder with warning messages telling me I was going the wrong way.
Until I finally paid attention to the guidance and adjusted my path. And I feel incredibly blessed that I didn’t crash before I did.
“When the path reveals itself, follow it.” (Cheryl Strayed)
Question: What is one of your values you would like to provide some direction in your life?
Action: Click to read the next and final article in this blog series: “Taking Steps with Purpose.”
