How to Find the Meaning of Life – Part 4
This is your life story.
This blog series on “How to Find the Meaning of Life” includes parts of my story, but it is about your life too. And it will help you find the meaning that is your destiny.
Because you are also part of a bigger story.
God is the Author, and you are a character in that real-life saga. Incredibly, God has written your role to be the hero, and he serves as your guide. (Yes, God is in his own story.)
Like all good tales, this one has action, conflict, and drama. But this story is not yet complete, and the ending is in doubt. Will the conflict be resolved, or will the hero continue to struggle?
What will be the ending of your story?
“Your life is a sacred journey. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.” (Caroline Adams Miller)
The Root Cause of a Meaningless Life
In my late 30s, I engaged in a search for the truth about God and the meaning of life by reading lots of good books on spirituality and the Christian faith. Along the way, I saw the evidence for God was so strong it was virtually overwhelming.
But I hesitated to move forward. Why was that? Looking back, it’s clearer now than it was then. The root cause was me!
I had created rationalizations as a shield against doing what I was scared to do, which was surrendering to the truth that God was real. I used these self-defense mechanisms to deflect responsibility so I would not have to face the truth. Excuses such as:
I’m smart enough to control my life. Concepts like surrender and letting go were uncomfortable, and I was angry at a God who had to be in charge. I’m the one in control.
It’s okay for me to live how I choose. I like comfort rather than change and prefer fun to serious stuff. I’m not hurting anybody, so why should I have to give up what I want?
God couldn’t love somebody like me. I had people fooled, but I was a perfectionist and knew better. My insecurities whispered I wasn’t good enough, and I was fooling anyone who thought otherwise. A loving God who loved me was too good to be true.
There’s nothing wrong with my drinking. The Bible doesn’t say we have to give up alcohol, but deep inside I knew the way I was drinking was wrong. But I felt entitled to do what I wanted and had a list of rationalizations for why it should be okay.
God has to meet my requirements. There were things I didn’t understand about God, which bothered me because I wanted to figure everything out. He should be clearer: why can’t I find all the answers?
I was avoiding God rather than dealing with beliefs I had unconsciously accepted as my worldview. Each of those ill-chosen values was a version of my obsession on “self”: control, selfishness, insecurity, self-absorption, and pride.
Without being aware of it, I had systematically selected values that made me less happy and prevented me from finding the peace, joy, and meaning I could have been experiencing.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know, but now I know life is easier with God in control. Faith is comfortable and fun, God does love me, and adjusting my bad habits made me happier.
And I know what I don’t know. There are still things I don’t understand about God, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s logical there are big questions only God fully understands, and I don’t need all the answers.
“Philosophers can debate the meaning of life, but you need a Lord who can declare the meaning of life.” (Max Lucado)
Pursuing a Path of Honest Self-Awareness
Our role in life is to search for the truth, not rationalize or fabricate what we prefer to believe. Below are examples of beliefs people may consider along their faith journey. There are brief explanations of each to offer an alternative point of view for consideration.
I don’t like religion. All systems created by man have flaws. But faith is believing in and having a personal relationship with God, so that is the choice we must make. For the Christian faith, the best way to know God is to know Jesus.
Religions are full of hypocrisy. That is true. But faith systems are not hypocrites, people are. Every religion has individuals who rationalize their wrong actions and abuse their faith. People have flaws, but their actions do not relate to the character of God.
I can find meaning in my life without God. We are designed with a “God-sized hole” inside us, whether we know it or not. If we don’t put God there, we choose something we deem more important than God (called an “idol”). It can be anything, including something good, such as our job, status, money, kids, a cause that makes us feel important, what other people think, or alcohol.
The evil in the world proves there is no loving God in control. The essence of God is love. For love to exist, there must be the ability to choose, so God allows us free will. But many people make bad choices and do evil things, which breaks God’s heart.
It’s cruel God would doom people who haven’t heard the Gospel. People are accountable to respond to what they have seen, and there is evidence of God all around us. People who never hear of Jesus are responsible for humbling themselves before God.
I don’t like the idea of one path to God. Maybe all religions have the same God. It makes sense there is one Creator of the universe, not multiple ones. Each religion is different, especially Christianity, which emphasizes God’s grace versus how good we act or how hard we work. It is the most inclusive faith in the world: anyone can join! God is available to those who seek him. People who investigate Jesus see he clearly claimed to be God, and the logical choice is he was telling the truth and was not a lunatic or liar.
Humans are focused on “self” in many forms such as fixations on control, selfishness, insecurity, self-absorption, and pride. We are uncomfortable with change, so we build defense mechanisms in our attempt to stay in control or keep doing what we want to do.
It is an epiphany when we realize the root cause of our struggle with faith: it is our focus on “self.”
The good news is that we have a God of love and grace, even though how he works is sometimes mysterious to us. Our role is to ask good questions and search for the truth.
Because we will find God if we search for him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. More accurately, he will find us.
“If you do not know your place in the world and the meaning of your life, you should know there is something to blame; and it is not the social system, or your intellect, but the way in which you have directed your intellect.” (Leo Tolstoy)
Our Pursuit of Meaning is a Lifelong Journey
Have you ever identified with a fish? I have.
You’ve probably seen those cool nature videos of salmon valiantly swimming upstream, struggling against the current and leaping waterfalls to keep moving forward.
North American salmon are born in streams that form the headwaters of Northwestern rivers. After growing up, they migrate downstream and spend several years feeding and maturing in the relative comfort of the Pacific Ocean.
At some point, they respond to a natural yearning and begin the most important journey of their lives. Using the Earth’s magnetic field for orientation, they return to the waters where they were raised to fulfill their destiny.
They face obstacles including raging rapids and predators such as eagles and bears. But in the struggle, they achieve their destiny.
After I took a step of faith in that football stadium in Jacksonville, my life changed in wonderful and even supernatural ways. Everything was going great, for a while.
I greatly enjoyed the peace, joy, and excitement of those next few years in Orlando. But I’ll flash forward to focus on another aspect of finding meaning and growing closer to God: we need to keep moving forward. Because our infatuation with “self” remains.
A few years after my mountain top experience in Jacksonville, some of the passion and excitement had dissipated. The depth of my faith and the wonder of having found meaning were still there, but the ongoing challenges of real life had worn me down. And my favorite compulsions hadn’t gone anywhere.
Control – My desire to be in charge was still there, though the serenity of turning things over to God made life much better. But I am also addicted to perfectionism and work, and I subject myself and other people to tough criteria for worthiness. (Any other Enneagram Type 1s out there know what I mean.)
Which leads to discouragement. I automatically try to re-assert my control over people, circumstances, and outcomes. Since my goal is perfection, this puts pressure on my ability to perform. So, I work harder to feel better about it all. And the cycle goes on.
I still had meaning and felt called to serving God and others. It was an innate destiny—a yearning for meaning—I was designed to pursue, something bigger than the need to control my world. But I saw it was going to be a journey with some challenges.
Selfishness – After the Promise Keepers event, I became extremely involved in my church and local nonprofit ministry work. This was wonderfully rewarding, but hard work at times. Frustration crept in, and my dedication lost steam year by year. The allure of comfort and fun and the busy-ness and distractions of real life increasingly cluttered my days.
I still felt called toward faith and meaning, but I now saw this was an ongoing quest, not a destination. Like salmon, it would have been easier to hang out in the relative comfort of the ocean of activity of normal life, but I knew that was not my destiny.
Insecurity – I have a theory that everybody—not some people—has insecurities. My addictions to control, perfectionism, and workaholism make it easy for me to find problems with how I am doing. The fear of not being good enough and the shame of having people figure that out are my ongoing companions—even today.
I must work at it for these feelings to not assert themselves and slow down my progress. It helps when I pause to remember God’s love and his promises to me. I remind myself those inner voices of fear and shame are not the truth, but a lie. But it’s like salmon swimming upstream; if I don’t keep moving forward, I find myself getting swept backwards.
Self-absorption – Anyone addicted to a substance or behavior becomes skilled at rationalizing their behavior. With a career in Sales and Marketing, I had a well-honed list of reasons why it was okay for me to keep drinking the way I was. It was a good enough sales pitch to fool myself, over and over and over.
I felt entitled to drink. I worked hard and was good at my job. Why not relax after work with a couple of drinks? But 2 always became 4 or 6, sometimes more. I was still highly-functioning, including at work, but my contribution to the world was under attack. Because addiction is a predator, like the eagles and bears who attack and devour hapless salmon.
Pride – Our ego asserts itself in insidious ways. In the years after coming to faith, I slowly came to the conclusion I just might be God’s go-to guy, at least in the city of Orlando. Wow, was I good at this God stuff: just look at all the church work and ministry I did!
Pride also led to my need to be right all the time, which can push people away, especially those closest to us. And it’s what keeps us from asking for help when problems with addiction, depression, marriage, kids, or finances come along. Which they all did in our family. Pride puts us in a lonely place, especially when we encounter rapids and waterfalls in our life.
All of us are on a journey to find meaning and faith, but then to also continue to grow closer to God and live each day with meaning. That is our destiny. And if we are not swimming against the current of life, we are being swept downstream.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” (Albert Einstein)
Summary: Finding the Meaning of Life
Meaning comes from God and serving others. We can take steps to find meaning, and we can use those same techniques to keep moving forward for the rest of our life. In the 4 articles in this blog series, we explored the approaches we can take including:
- Deeper thinking as we become intentional about living a life with meaning.
- Thoughtful evaluation to accept what we don’t know and search for truth.
- Honest self-awareness so we can understand the root cause of the issue.
We don’t have to create meaning in our lives. We already have it because God has given it to us. But we have to find it and discern how meaning provides direction for our day-to-day choices. Our role is to be intentional, thoughtful, and honest in the process.
God is the only supernatural component in our life, and his involvement is the “wild card” that changes everything. God shapes an individual definition of meaning that influences all our values such as purpose, identity, contribution, and community.
Having meaning serves as our “WHY” in life.
We are all part of a bigger story. God is the Author, and he has written us in as the hero. We will face problems and conflicts along the way, but the ending can be a good one. What will our story be?
Frank decided to write his own story and didn’t want another author. He struggled, as we all do, but he didn’t fight the pull of “self.” He did not find meaning in his life. Now that he is old, he is looking back on his life story. He sees one marked by discouragement, frustration, fear, worry, and loneliness he didn’t know how to deal with. He is scared about what the ending will be.
Carol lived how she wanted for a long time. When she faced problems, she gritted her teeth and endured, numbed herself with television, or drank until she felt better. In her 60s, everything came apart and she hit bottom, losing her job and marriage in the process. But she found recovery, and God found her. She now has meaning, peace, and joy she didn’t know existed before.
In his 30s, Steve didn’t know what he didn’t know about God, meaning, and the bigger story of his life. His orientation toward control, selfishness, insecurity, self-absorption, and pride made life less than it could have been. Then, he took a step of faith that changed everything. He still struggles at times, but his life has more hope, significance, joy, contentment, and belonging than he ever could have experienced on his own. He found the meaning of the story, and he is very, very grateful.
“The meaning of life consists in the love and service of God.” (Leo Tolstoy)
“The meaning of life is to serve humanity.” (Leo Tolstoy)
Taking Steps Toward Meaning
Below are 4 exercises to help you determine how meaning applies to your life and how you can use it to help guide your journey.
Exercise #1: Capture What the Value of Meaning Means to You.
In Part 1 of this article series, we listed some key questions to get you thinking about the meaning of life. For this exercise, capture your thoughts on those questions:
- How can I have more peace, joy, and purpose in my life?
- Even if life is okay, why does it feel like something is missing?
- Why are we here on earth, and what is the meaning of our life?
- What is God like, and what should our relationship with him be?
- How do we find significance by being part of something bigger than us?
Take ideas from your answers to those questions and shape them into a paragraph about what the value of meaning means to you.
Exercise #2: Consider the Bigger Picture About Meaning.
Meaning is uniquely positioned among the 5 universal values as the foundation of your worldview. Use the statements below to think about how these values work together to guide your journey:
- Meaning: God is real, he is good, and he is in control. That miracle changes everything in our life, and our belief in God influences the values we use to set priorities and make daily choices.
- Purpose: God has given us meaning as the “WHY” which provides significance for our existence, and purpose is what we do to follow the calling God has for our life.
- Identity: Our meaning leads to our unique identity. God has designed each of us individually, and we have a personal identity that has dignity and meaning.
- Contribution: We each have strengths and attributes particular to us, and we find contentment by being a good steward of the talents we have been given.
- Community: God is our model of unconditional and sacrificial love. With that as our goal, we can find belonging with others as we go about serving those we can.
Adjust or add to your paragraph on meaning based on your insights from this exercise.
Exercise #3: Identify Your Specific Version of Meaning.
We will list supporting elements that are specific aspects of meaning. Select those relevant to your life experience: (a) spirituality; (b) wisdom; (c) truth; (d) righteousness; (e) belief; (f) faith; (g) hope; (h) vision; (i) goals; (j) fulfillment; and (k) significance.
Shape your summary of meaning to reflect how those elements fit into your worldview. Then, go to a quiet place and take some time to reflect on the meaning of your life.
Exercise #4: Choose the Next Right Steps You Will Take.
Your views on meaning guide your life journey. Refer to the articles in this series to help you identify steps you feel you should take:
- Part 1 – “How to Find the Meaning of Life”
- We all have a “Before” version of what our lives look like before we find meaning. Based on the summary of meaning you created, what do you want your “After” picture to look like, and what steps will help you get there?
- Part 2 – “How to Ask Questions to Find Meaning in Life”
- After thinking about worldview options and questions to consider, how can you be intentional about living a life of meaning?
- Part 3 – “When You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know”
- What parts of life do you want to know more about; how can you use your heart, soul, mind, and strength to search for truth?
- Part 4 – “Identifying the Root Cause of a Meaningless Life”
- To adopt more honest self-awareness, which issues should you work on: control, selfishness, insecurity, self-absorption, or pride?
To complete this exercise, look through the items you wrote down, prioritize them, and capture the Next Right Steps you will take.
Now you know how to find the meaning of life. You have seen that meaning is bigger than us, and it comes from God and serving others. Your life is a story, and it includes conflict and drama. What will be the ending of your story?
“The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself.” (W. Somerset Maugham)
Question: In a paragraph, what is the meaning of your life?
Action: Click to start this series with “How to Find the Meaning of Life – Part 1.”
