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Over the last few weeks, a lot of people have been asking me questions about drinking. Some of the most common ones have been:
- Is it okay for some people to drink?
- How do you know if it’s okay or not?
- How does somebody decide to stop?
- For a drinker, what is life after alcohol like?
Which took me back to an article I wrote 3 years ago called “Is It Okay to Drink?” If you are looking for answers to those questions and want to assess the role alcohol plays in your life, this is a must-read for you.
And the questions also took me back to my own story …
Life With Alcohol
I drank for about 30 years―half my life! Which creates a rueful way of measuring my existence on earth as: life before alcohol; life with alcohol; and life after alcohol.
My early years were happy, with no real trauma. But as a teenager, gaps in my well-being appeared: well-concealed insecurities, a desire for acceptance, wanting to be cool.
Those were problems I wanted to fix, so I was ecstatic when I found a solution: alcohol! And it worked, or so it seemed at the time. Insecurities faded, and I felt more accepted. Social drinking became a habit, and it never occurred to me that it might become a problem.
In college, there were few social occasions without alcohol; it was my go-to method for being who I wanted to be and feeling the way I wanted to feel. Negative consequences started showing up, but I didn’t worry about them much. In other words, denial started early.
Moving into the working world dimmed my awareness of the issue. My drinking didn’t affect my work, and I was doing well. What’s the problem if I drank on weekend, and many nights? And for every social occasion, and to relax, and because it felt good?
Hitting Bottom
Flash forward to my mid-forties, and I am a highly-functional alcoholic with a can’t-be-avoided-anymore awareness of what should have been obvious long before.
Alcohol was more in control of me than I was of it. Attempts to stop were inevitably unsuccessful, eventually overcome by well-conceived rationalizations. I worried about the example I was setting for my getting-older sons. And when I thought of the nearly 30 years of drinking and the incredible time and energy I had wasted being wasted, it hit me hard.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
Alcohol had become an idol for me, one I depended on. In my heart, it slowly became evident I was choosing alcohol over God, over and over. That was not a good place to be, and I was miserable.
And yet I still didn’t quit. Until I hit my bottom, and our family went through the “Dark Ages.”
If you are an alcoholic, you may (or may not) have to hit bottom to stop. But it’s your choice: “What will your bottom be?” Will it be losing your job, or a DUI, or divorce, or your kid acquiring their own addiction? Or will you courageously face the personal, emotional, and spiritual consequences you are creating, even if not yet catastrophic, and use them as a catalyst to change your life?
Life After Alcohol
For me, life after alcohol took a little getting used to.
I had to unlearn some habits, and develop new ones. At first, it wasn’t terrible not drinking, but it wasn’t great either. Social occasions seemed blander. And there was nostalgia, because all my previous fun times had been with alcohol!
But, over time, the advantages of my new way of living grew, and grew, and grew. Now, I deeply and gratefully enjoy those benefits every day of my life.
An incredible amount of free time appeared, creating room for more positive activities. Feeling good physically was nice, but feeling good emotionally and spiritually was better. Going to bed content with how I lived that day. Self-awareness that led to contentment rather than to shame. Sacrificing only a selfish, short-term buzz to be closer to God.
God was using my alcoholism and recovery to teach me how to live!
Such as how to find peace by letting go of the anxieties that so easily plague us. Seeing darkness flee and fears evaporate in the dawn of a new future. Being honest and sincere―with others, with God, with myself―all the time. Enjoying deeper relationships and talking about things that matter. Finding significance and purpose in serving others. The discovery that we can live life without the crutch of a substance to solve our problems for us. We can be real, and we can live life that way.
Looking back, I’m not overcome with regret for the years of drinking. That was my journey, and things happen for a reason. God was graceful enough to use recovery to transform me, and that led to the ministry which will make up the next phase of my life.
They say, “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic,” so I guess I still am one. But I never want to go back, because life after alcohol is what life is designed to be.
Question: Is alcohol a problem in your life or for someone you know?
Action: If you are wondering about alcohol, read “Is It Okay to Drink?”
