How to Be a “GREAT” Grandparent

Note from Steve Ward, Founder of STEPS: “A few weeks after starting work on this material for grandparents, my wife and I got a call from our older son and his wife: “We’re going to be grandparents ourselves!” We were blown away with happiness for the baby, them, and us. Now, we’re on this journey with you to become the best grandparents we can be!”

How to Be a “GREAT” Grandparent

Someday, I’ll be a grandfather. I’m really looking forward to that stage, but there’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot.   

Just what is a good (or great) grandparent supposed to do?

My mom’s mother was the only grandparent I knew. She lived a simple life with an understated personality but built a legacy of faith, devotion, and sacrifice. Mom was also a great example of a grandparent. She continually loved my sons and invested in them before going home at the age of 92. She was gentle and cared deeply, and she modeled a selfless life of kindness. 

I’ve been researching what experts say on grandparenting. There are different points of view, but one key point has hit me: To be a great grandparent, it’s not so much what you do that matters—it’s more about who you are and how much you care.

Becoming a Proactive Grandparent

Hopefully, grandparents think about the type of role they play—or don’t play—in their grandkids’ lives:  

Proactive Grandparents are caring and consistently set a positive example. They take a balanced approach and are warm and relational to make grandkids feel connected and wanted so they feel good about themselves. They are intentional in their own life and in their grandparenting role and take a thoughtful approach in sharing wisdom in how they act and speak.

“Mary enjoys and embraces being a grandmother. Her grandkids know she loves them and like being with her. They trust her because they feel she cares and supports them. Mary plans time regularly to be with them and do things together. She’s a warm, empathetic listener who encourages them. She sets a consistent example of a life lived wisely and joyfully.”

Reactive Grandparents like their grandkids but may be passive, unobservant, disconnected, uninformed, or stuck in their ways. They are distant—physically and emotionally—rather than involved in their grandkids’ lives and think sending birthday cards with cash is enough to demonstrate they care. They are not very intentional in trying to have a positive impact.     

“Sharon is okay being a grandmother but doesn’t think about how to be a positive influence on her grandkids. She’s not very aware of what’s going on in their lives, so she chats politely with them but doesn’t have deeper conversations. Sharon hasn’t studied being a grandmother. She’s stuck in her ways, so she does things how she always has and assumes that’s enough.”

Harmful Grandparents can be—unknowingly—discouraging, critical, misguided, self-absorbed, and too authoritarian or permissive. They may be grumpy or judgmental rather than being grateful, optimistic, and empathetic. They allow their negative demeanor and habits to show to their grandkids and may turn them off by being too detached or over-bearing.  

“Andy is strong-willed and pessimistic around his grandkids. He knows how they should act and is quick to tell them what they ought to do, so he comes across as critical and uncaring to them. Andy feels kids need to be kept in their place by their elders, and he lectures and preaches at times. He doesn’t worry when they react negatively because he’s sure he’s right.”

Which of those three types of grandparents do you choose to be?

Learning About GREAT Grandparenting

Do you want to have a positive impact on the lives of your grandchildren? Are you willing to spend a little time to learn how?

Being a proactive grandparent gets you moving in the right direction, and you can continue taking steps by learning how to be a GREAT grandparent. The word “G-R-E-A-T” is an acronym that represents the steps you can take:

• Goals and boundaries – This step inspires us to make an impact. Grandparenting is about our grandkids, not us. We learn what every kid needs to hear and how saying those things is a blessing that helps them make personal progress.  
• Relationship – Here, we concentrate on belonging and social connection with our grandchildren. We set aside the role of correcting, work on communicating effectively, and invest the time to form a trusted and lasting relationship with them.
• Example – The goal here is to live a life of integrity to model the way. To be the best grandparent we can be, we work on being the best person we can be. We focus on their emotional well-being and let go of the burden of perfection.
• Activities – The point of this step is to create experiences for our grandkids. We concentrate on activities that lead to memories and growth rather than filling time with busyness, and we help them strive toward mental excellence.
• Teaching – In this step, we focus on sharing wisdom with our grandchildren. This doesn’t mean lecturing or preaching but asking questions, having discussions, and attractively sharing truth about real life and spiritual growth.

GREAT grandparenting is not a quick fix but a consistent, effective approach over time. It doesn’t rely on the latest fad but on proven wisdom. It’s not complicated but utilizes simple steps that work. It’s not lecturing but sharing life with our grandkids. It doesn’t ask us to be perfect but real and who we are, and it’s not just something we do but a purposeful calling we accept.

Our objectives are to have a positive impact on the lives of our grandkids and collaborate with their parents—our kids—in the process. This becomes an enjoyable and satisfying role that builds a lasting legacy in the family. 

Our job is not to return to our former parenting habits but to embrace the unique and much-needed role of GREAT grandparenting. And to continually remind ourselves that what matters most is who we are and how much we care.

Next Right Steps: Look for and check out all the articles in this new blog series on “How to Be a GREAT Grandparent.”