Multiple factors may contribute to our feelings of anxiety, depression, or meaninglessness. And it works the same with addiction and other compulsive issues. But there is one thing at the center of most of our problems: us!
Our obsession with self is a fundamental problem we have, and it affects every aspect of our spiritual, emotional, and personal well-being.
But as we develop a healthy sense of self, our perspective changes, and our life can be transformed!
“We have met the enemy and he is us.” (the comic strip Pogo, by Walt Kelly)
Identifying the Source of the Problem
Spiritually, the sin of self is the root cause of much of what is wrong with us:
“Self-reliance and self-sufficiency as your fundamental approach to life will never lead to anything good. Self-reliance and self-sufficiency are what sin does to the heart.” (New Morning Mercies, Paul David Tripp)
Emotionally, an obsession with self is a key factor in most of the issues we struggle with:
“Many psychological dysfunctions can be accurately understood as “maladies” of self-absorption. From a variety of phobic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive impairments, to many depressive disturbances, to various addictions …self-absorption can be seen as playing a major (if not dominant) role. So any effective treatment of these dysfunctions needs to include significantly reducing these obsessively self-centered—and self-defeating—tendencies.” (Psychology Today, Leon F. Seltzer, PhD)
And, personally, a confused sense of self distorts our perspective and disrupts our contentment:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” (C.S. Lewis)
Living With an Unhealthy Sense of Self
It bears repeating that our obsession with self is our most fundamental problem. Which makes the stakes extremely high for developing a healthy sense of who we are, and who we are not.
An unhealthy sense of self can make us miserable, sometimes leading us on a journey of self-destruction marked by …
- Anxiety: “I’m worried—obsessed—about what’s going on, how I feel, and what will happen to me.”
- Depression: “Nothing ever goes right for me. I feel worthless, and the future seems hopeless.”
- Addiction: “I’ll do anything to feel the way I want to feel, no matter what the consequences.”
- Sin: “I want what I want when I want it and how I want it, and I don’t care how I get it.”
To help prevent such a fate, we need to understand what makes up an unhealthy sense of self:
- Self-reliance – When we believe we control our world rather than relying on God.
- Self-absorption – When we are preoccupied only with ourselves rather than others.
- Selfishness – When we care only about getting whatever we want to have.
As negative as that description sounds, that is our natural state as human beings. Unless, with God’s help, we do something to change it.
Developing a Healthy Sense of Self
With God’s transforming power, we can take positive steps forward by …
- Surrendering our secular self-reliance and worshipping God rather than ourselves.
- Moving beyond our self-absorption by finding meaning in a purpose bigger than us.
- Letting go of our selfishness by choosing to love, forgive, and serve other people.
Which turns everything around and helps us develop a healthy sense of self:
- Self-awareness – Not ignoring self, but becoming aware of what we do and why we do it.
- Self-control – Not being controlled by selfish desires, but exercising the discipline to consistently do the next right thing.
- Self-esteem – Living with humble confidence, secure in our identity as God’s creation, and with a strong sense of purpose.
Developing a healthy sense of self begins with a change of perspective and continues with a commitment. The results are life-changing!
Question: In which areas are you unhealthy: self-reliance, self-absorption, or selfishness?
Action: Pick 1 of these 3 areas to work on: self-awareness, self-control, or self-esteem.
