Simple Steps for Parenting Teenagers
As parents, focusing on a few key things can make a big difference in your kids’ lives, especially as we work to guide our kids through the teenage years. Things like being aware and informed, connecting with your kids, and getting educated on steps we can take to help them deal with life’s pressures and temptations. These areas help parents begin to develop a proactive parenting approach that can help their kids develop in a safe and healthy manner. You are simply trying to help guide your son or daughter to develop a healthy foundation so they can deal with the ups and downs of life effectively
HOW PARENTS CAN PREPARE FOR THE TEENAGE YEARS
A lot changes when kids become teenagers, so parents must change too. Things get more complicated, and the temptations and risks your kids face are MUCH higher. Parents of teenagers don’t have to be perfect, but they do need to be proactive and prepared. How can you get ready for the teenage years?
Accept that issues can happen in your family.
Statistics show that 75% of high schoolers will try addictive substances and almost half will deal with a mental health issue, so make the commitment to become prepared to prevent or minimize those issues in your family.
Address codependency with balanced parenting.
Examine your parenting style and ask family members if you are too controlling (anger, lectures, preaching) or enabling (permissive, soft boundaries, fix their problems) and make an effort to adjust if needed to be more balanced.
Use the resources available to be more prepared.
The PACES for Parents toolkit has useful resources to help build happier families. Watch a helpful video about things parents can do to be more prepared for the teenage years.
More Helpful Resources
• Preventing Addiction in Teenagers
• Should You Be Worried About Your Teenager’s Safety?
• PACES: Steps to Becoming a Better Parent
• Proactive Parenting
Identify things you want to do to be more prepared for the teenage years.
HOW PARENTS CAN STAY MORE AWARE
All teenagers have personal issues, and most struggle at times. Many turn to alcohol or drugs to feel better for a while or fit in with their friends. No matter what is going on with your kids, it’s better if you are aware of it. Because then you can help. How can you stay more aware of what’s going on with your kids?
Do your best to understand their world.
Ask open-ended questions about their activities and friends and show genuine interest in the ups and downs of their life. Listen with empathy rather than judgment or advice, and then listen some more.
Help them develop their self-awareness.
Ask them what situations make them uncomfortable and when they feel anxious, sad, or left out. Help them identify any negative thought patterns they may have. Assure them everyone has issues, and it’s okay not to be okay.
Assess the risk factors and warning signs.
Take a Teenage Wellness Assessment. This tool will help you identify risk factors and warning signs before something goes wrong.
Other Helpful Resources
• What Teenagers Don’t Know Can Hurt Them
• Do You Know What is Really Going On With Your Kids?
• PACES: Steps to Becoming a Better Parent
• Why Teenagers Take Drugs
• A testimonial video about how to be more aware of your teenager’s life
Take a moment to compare how your kid is doing emotionally, spiritually, and personally now versus a year ago.
CONNECT WITH your teen
When our kids become teenagers, it’s harder to talk to them than when they’re younger. They are more independent, less open with their feelings, and not around as much. If they’re struggling or making bad choices, it’s even harder, but it’s now more important than ever. How can you stay more connected to your teenagers?
Invest the time to build your relationship
Quality time comes only from quantity time. One of your biggest choices is how much time you spend with your kids. Time together having fun and hanging out will help you form loving and trusted relationships with them.
Improve your personal communication skills
Lecturing, preaching, and yelling doesn’t work with teenagers. Ask more questions and listen deeply to their answers. Ask family members how you communicate, including tone and expression, and work on your blind spots.
Other Helpful Articles & Videos:
• What Every Teenager Needs to Hear
• What Do You Do When You Can’t Talk to Your Teenagers?
• PACES: Steps to Becoming a Better Parent
• Being a Dad
• Watch the video “Teenagers and the Challenge of Connection”
• Watch this testimonial containing suggestions on how to connect with your teen
Take time to have at least one good conversation with each of your kids every week and listen to what they have to say.
A LITTLE EDUCATION CAN HELP A LOT
When kids become teenagers, they have to deal with personal issues, challenging situations, and dangerous temptations they have never encountered before. Each of these situations may be new for parents as well, so it’s important to get some education to help both parents and kids be ready for what they will face. How can your family get educated to help your teenagers thrive rather than struggle?
Equip your kids to handle risky situations
Ask your kids what potentially dangerous circumstances and temptations other kids at school might be facing. Ask them what they should do to handle those situations. Based on your research, suggest ideas for your kids to consider and ask what they think would work best.
Learn how to maintain good boundaries
Boundaries are pre-set rules with well-defined consequences, and you should work with your kids to put them in place BEFORE something dangerous happens. Effective boundaries should be: (a) clear, precise, and well-communicated; (b) fair with consequences aligned to their behavior choices; (c) always applied consistently; and (d) managed calmly and with love even when enforcing the consequences.
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PLAN THE RIGHT STEPS FOR YOUR KIDS
There are proven principles that will help your kids thrive emotionally, socially, spiritually, and personally. These same steps will also protect them from addiction and other negative issues. By implementing a proactive parenting plan, you can do both at the same time! How can you ensure you are taking the parenting steps you should take with your kids?
Help them build identity to be the best they can be
Think about one of your kids and their specific personality, issues, and opportunities. Consider how they are designed and how they’re doing emotionally, socially, spiritually, and personally. Select steps to help them thrive and develop who they are in a positive way.
Deal with a crisis versus waiting until it’s too late
Think of one of your kids who is struggling or in the pre-teen or teen years. Envision what type of “crisis” they could encounter such as substance use, a mental health issue, or something else. Think of at least one thing you can do to help them avert such a crisis.
Other Helpful Resources
• Doing Nothing is a Decision
• What if Nothing is Working with Your Teenager?
• PACES: Steps to Becoming a Better Parent
• A Young Person’s Advice to Parents
• Watch Steps for Building a Parenting Plan video
• A testimonial about getting through tough times one step at a time
Want more parenting guidance?
- Get practical tips and techniques in the PACES for Parents Online Toolkit.
- Sign up for weekly email insights about parenting and life improvement steps.