We all feel frustration at times, and we long for more.
We want to live the good life, but most days we experience more busy-ness and worry than meaning and purpose. We yearn to achieve our God-given potential—find significance—but are confused about where to start.
The good news is that God wants the good life for us too, and he will help us achieve our potential. But how do we move forward? By aligning our heart to make good choices that move us in the right direction. In other words, by taking the next right steps.
Our heart houses our dreams and aspirations as well as our character and values. It is where we find our greatest joy and encounter our sharpest pain. The heart is where we feel the quiet desperation of a life that may not have turned out the way we had hoped when we were younger.
Aligning our heart is how we achieve our potential, satisfy our needs, and quench our desires for the good life. In a way that can only be described as miraculous, we can simultaneously encounter the heart of God, heal and sustain our own heart, and discover the heart we are meant to have for others.
Those dreams may seem grandiose and aspirational, but they are also practical and useful. We can have a realistic assurance of achieving our potential because God wants us to do just that, and there are pragmatic steps we can take to get there.
One choice at a time.
We make dozens of choices every day, many times without being intentional about the decisions we make. Too often, we choose what’s urgent over what’s important, what’s easy versus what will bring us fulfillment, and what’s comfortable and familiar rather than what will help us reach our potential.
One day and one decision at a time, we can achieve our potential by aligning our heart to help us choose the next right steps we should take. Our objective is not an outcome but a journey and a process to enhance the state of our heart and to live life better.
But how do we do that?
When we are confused about what to do or where to start, we need a system that can help. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a list of 10 ways to align our heart so we can achieve our potential and satisfy our needs? If there were 10 tools we could use as a practical and repeatable system to live life better?
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
Developing a Healthy Heart
My Mom was known for her kind and loving heart.
As she got older, she developed a medical condition of having dangerously slow heartbeats. She was given a pacemaker, an implantable device that monitors and sustains the heart rate and sends electrical impulses through electrodes to the heart muscles. It worked great, and it increased her quality of life in many ways.
I recently found out that my uncle will be getting an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD), which is a similar battery-powered device that protects the heart and guards against irregular or dangerously fast heartbeats. ICDs watch the heartbeat and can deliver electric jolts when needed to restore a regular heart rhythm.
To enhance their quality of life, my Mom and uncle had to be open to allowing the doctors to treat their hearts. They were told that taking steps to prepare their heart with exercise and cleanse their heart through their diet would improve their health as well.
In my 40s and 50s, I needed a different type of assistance with my heart. It started with me getting a transplant.
In my early 40s, my spiritual journey took a significant and sudden leap forward that was almost like being given a new heart. It turns out that God is a heart specialist, and our heart is the part of our being he cares about the most. In a dramatic operation, he removed my hardened, self-absorbed heart and replaced it with one that was softer, humbler, and more compassionate.
Knowing the right doctor made all the difference, and it saved my life.
My new heart was healthier, but I would still need healing and monitoring in the years to come. Over the next decade, my family would deal with agonizing issues involving addiction, depression, marriage, and finances. There were times when my heart raced in fear and worry and other times when it felt mired in frustration or hopelessness.
I eventually figured out that I would continue to need heart treatment for the rest of my life.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” (Helen Keller)
A System for Aligning Our Heart
Because of the troubles my family faced, I began researching and writing about how people can live life better. I had already seen that God is our heart specialist who remains on call to help when needed. I came to learn that God has given us other tools we can use to treat our heart as well.
With God’s patient teaching and through extensive study of recovery, the Bible, psychology, and other disciplines, I learned a life improvement system that could keep anyone healthy by helping us:
- Open and prepare our heart – Our spiritual health journey begins when we open our heart and let God in, because he is waiting patiently to be of assistance. God will soften our heart when it has become hardened by our bad choices and prepare our heart for the growth that is to come.
- Heal and restore our heart – Similar to how EMTs leap into action when someone has a heart attack, God will come to our rescue, including performing an emergency transplant to give us a new heart if that is what is needed. In addition, we can adopt personal disciplines that we follow to help our heart remain healthy.
- Cleanse and purify our heart – God will transform our heart as long as we allow him access to it. He also provides an integrated life improvement system that works together to help us make healthy choices by utilizing our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
- Watch and monitor our heart – Our heart can be fickle, so we need to keep our eye on it. We can use our life improvement system to suggest questions we ask ourselves as a periodic heart scan to monitor the state of our heart on a day-to-day basis.
- Guard and protect our heart – By taking positive steps forward in life, we help guard against the hopelessness and fear that can fill our heart if we are not vigilant. God will help protect our heart as well, and the peace he offers surpasses all comprehension.
Our goal in aligning our heart is to help us make good choices, but even more importantly to enhance the condition of our heart itself. This provides a system that helps us focus on what is most important in life and align our choices with those values.
We have a great heart doctor and a life improvement system that works in real life. That is why we can have a realistic assurance that we can live life better one choice and one step at a time.
“A person’s world is only as big as their heart.” (Tanya A. Moore)
10 Ways to Align Our Heart
In other parts of the Next Right STEPS material, we saw how we can use our heart to determine the values we use to guide our life. We identified five universal values we can consistently rely on: meaning, purpose, identity, contribution, and community.
But as we go through a normal day, how do we make good choices that move us in the right direction?
We apply those five universal values to “get right with God, get right with ourselves, and get right with others” to help us choose our next right steps. In each area, there are probing questions we can ask ourselves to help align our heart so we can choose wisely.
Think of a decision you need to make, a problem you are facing, or an opportunity you are deliberating about. Scan the ten questions below and pick the ones that fit the situation and write down your answers to those questions:
Get right with God (check our direction by looking for Meaning)
Evaluate the options by taking into account things that have the most Meaning such as our faith, values, character, and family.
- Is there a “right and wrong” answer? If one option honors God more than others, our choice is simple: do the next right thing.
It would be easy, and no one would ever know. Tom had been sweating through his tax returns when he noticed a place where he could fudge the numbers and save thousands of dollars. His family had been through a lot, and they needed the money. It wouldn’t hurt anybody, and it seemed almost fair in a way. With a guilty start, Tom came to his senses: he was rationalizing something that was clearly wrong. It hit him that the best way he could take care of his family was to just keep doing the next right thing.
Next Right Step: Think of 3 situations where you are sometimes tempted to do the wrong thing.
- Which option is most important in the long-term? We find meaning by focusing our time on things that are bigger than us.
Allison hopped out of bed and walked into her home office to click on her laptop. She wanted to jump on emails that had come in and fire off some of her own. She worked her to-do list, taking pride in crossing off items. An hour into her work, she realized she hadn’t done her quiet time of Bible reading and prayer that morning. Skipping that time had become the norm rather than the exception, even though she knew it was important. She thought for a moment, then reached over and closed her laptop.
Next Right Step: Pick 1 thing that is important in your life that you can make progress on every day.
“Eternity is at our hearts, pressing upon our time-torn lives, warming us with intimations of an astounding destiny, calling us home upon Itself.” (Thomas Kelly)
Get right with God (check our direction by searching for Purpose)
Choose options that will position us to live with Purpose and find significance by being part of something much bigger than us.
- How do our strengths and experiences prepare us? We are designed with unique talents to achieve a purpose specific to us.
Andy could feel his heart beating faster as he set his phone down. He was flattered and excited about the job the headhunter was recruiting him for but torn over the decision. He loved his current position, he was good at it, and it brought him satisfaction. The new job involved activities that weren’t in his sweet spot, but it paid a lot more, and it would be fun throwing the “VP” title around at the club. Wait a minute: he had just confirmed he loved his current position! He knew what the right answer should be.
Next Right Step: For 5 minutes, brainstorm your strengths and write them down in a list.
- Deep down, what do we feel we are called to do? We can live a life of adventure by pursuing goals that lead to significance.
Mandy loved helping people, especially those who were unable to take care of themselves. Taking care of her kids when they were sick had been meaningful. Looking after her Mom as she got older hadn’t been a chore but a calling. Now, with the kids out of the house and her Mom gone, she had extra time on her hands. Just this morning, her friend had mentioned a volunteer opportunity at the hospital to serve as a nurse assistant a couple of mornings a week. She felt herself being pulled strongly toward saying, “Yes.”
Next Right Step: Close your eyes and dream for a minute. Imagine you could do anything you wanted to find purpose and achieve your potential in life. What are the dreams of your heart?
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” (Confucius)
Get right with ourselves (check our behavior by confirming our Identity)
We each have a unique Identity with strengths and weaknesses, and we should take that into account when making decisions.
- Are we being influenced by negative thinking? We all have “inner voices” that speak shame, fear, and discouragement into our lives, so we must be vigilant about choosing to ignore them.
Steve is normally happy, content, and excitedly engaged in following his calling in life, but he also has negative voices that whisper to him in the dark. The most persistent voices say things like: “That was stupid, you don’t know what you’re doing. You’re supposed to be perfect, but you’re making some dumb decisions. You’re a fake, and everyone is going to find out. You should be ashamed.” Steve knows he should ignore the voices, but they are insidious and relentless at times, and sometimes they get to him.
Next Right Step: Write down the 3 most common negative statements you hear in your heart.
- Which option lets us be who we are meant to be? We can be more content by becoming comfortable with who we are.
Ryan is “real” without having to try to be, and he is comfortable in his own skin. Even during his teenage years when most young people deal with insecurities, he was consistent and content with who he was. He likes being with people but is comfortable alone. He enjoys doing things but doesn’t feel any “fear of missing out” when he doesn’t. Ryan has a few worries and insecurities like every human being on earth does, but they don’t haunt him. He doesn’t think less of himself, he just thinks of himself less.
Next Right Step: For a choice you need to make, declare that you will “let go” of any feelings about impressing or pleasing other people and think about what the “real you” should do.
“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” (George Michael)
Get right with ourselves (check our behavior by establishing our Contribution)
We only get one lifetime to make a personal Contribution to the world, and we should be good stewards of our time and resources.
- Which choice helps us add value to the world? We don’t control our circumstances or outcomes, but we do control the contribution—good or bad—we make to the world each day.
Debbie knows she can be self-absorbed at times. She’s a good person, but she finds herself thinking about what she wants and what will make her feel good much of the time. But she has decided she wants to be less selfish, and she is willing to take steps in that direction. Each morning, she thinks of at least one thing she can do that will add value to someone else’s life, and she looks for the opportunity to do so. That small commitment has changed her entire mindset as she goes through the day.
Next Right Step: Today, think of one small thing you can do that will add value to someone’s life.
- When we’re old, will we feel this was, “Well done?” No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, but we are responsible for making the wisest choices we can.
Carol is a “Type A” person who is always busy, likes to be in control, and is a perfectionist. She suspects she is a workaholic, because she only feels good about herself when she is hard at work and doing well at her job. She heard in church that God loves her unconditionally, not because of her performance, but she has a hard time internalizing that belief. She decided to take a weekend in the mountains to think about life. Now, staring at the sunset, she is pondering what it is that God really wants her to do.
Next Right Step: Imagine yourself in heaven standing before God and hearing those words spoken in love and pride to you, “Well done!” Think about how that would make you feel.
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.” (Luke 6:45)
Get right with others (check our relationships to move toward Community)
We need to be intentional about moving toward Community in order to bring connection, belonging, and love into our lives.
- Will this increase our connection with people? We can choose to invest time each day to enhance our feelings of community by taking a few minutes to reach out to someone.
Lisa is a mild extrovert who likes being with people but doesn’t have to be to feel content. She enjoys relationships, and she likes having friends to talk to and hang out with occasionally. But she is not very intentional about texting people to set up time to get together or calling friends to talk on the phone. She’s not lonely, but she’s also not quite as fulfilled as she could be. She makes the decision to take small steps to invest in relationships by texting or calling someone else at least two times each week.
Next Right Step: Pull out your cell phone, scan your contacts list, and text someone to say, “Hello.”
- Are we acting with empathy and love for others? Sometimes, the simplest truths are the most useful and profound, including this one: “Treat others as you want them to treat you.”
Ben thinks of himself as a nice person, but he can be impatient and abrupt with others. He is so busy with work and activities that he doesn’t take time for good conversations or to do things for other people. A couple of situations recently gave him a clue that he doesn’t come across as “nice” to some other people. That bothered him and woke him up. Now, when he is talking to someone, he does his best to slow down, focus on them, listen deeply, and try to understand their world as they are experiencing it.
Next Right Step: Think of one person you want to express friendship, appreciation, or love to and do so.
We all want to live the good life, and we yearn to achieve our God-given potential and find significance. By learning to align our heart, we can make good choices that move us in that direction. One at a time, we can keep taking the next right steps.
“You change your life by changing your heart.” (Max Lucado)
Question: Which of the 10 example stories above resembles something you have gone through.
Action: Pick a decision you need to make and use the 10 questions to help you make the right choice.
