How to Live a Life with Purpose – Part 2
I shuffled barefoot into the massive lecture hall along with the 250 or so other lemmings and was content to plop down in an anonymous seat on the back row. Hungover and bleary-eyed, I already regretted my decision to come to class. After enduring two quarters of mind-numbing Chemistry, I was now staring at a full year of Physics.
Little did I know I was actually going to learn something.
I had adapted to life at Georgia Tech with some less-than-admirable choices, and my path through college involved more partying than studying. I was having fun but wasting my potential, and I had no direction and little reason to care. My meaning in life was getting a good buzz, and my purpose was figuring out who could make the next liquor store run.
The onslaught of alcohol must have missed a few of my brain cells, because I still remember a few things from that Physics class.
Understanding the Physics of Meaning and Purpose
This will be a short discussion about Physics, but it will also address real-life issues in areas as diverse as psychology, philosophy, recovery, personal development, and theology. And it will help us understand how finding meaning and purpose changes our life.
Physics is the study of matter and energy, and it addresses the motion and behavior of objects through space and time. The term “force” is defined as: “The push or pull on an object that causes it to change its state of rest or motion.” Force is mathematically defined by what is called a “vector” which means it includes both magnitude and direction.
Another Physics term is “trajectory” which is: “The path followed by an object moving through space over time.” A trajectory is defined by three elements: its starting point, direction, and path.
What does Physics have to do with meaning and purpose?
Meaning is a force that propels us in a certain direction. It is why we exist and do what we do, and it is this “WHY” that propels us into motion. Purpose is the trajectory for “WHERE” we are going. By identifying our starting point and discovering our direction, we can follow a path of living with purpose. We do that by:
1 – Being encouraged by using our gifts and our design – Our starting point is the place where we are now, and it includes the strengths and weaknesses we have been given.
2 – Finding inspiration by aligning our life to our values – Our direction is where we are heading in life, which we choose on purpose or allow to be shaped by our lifestyle.
3 – Making an impact by living on purpose one day at a time – Our path is how we live each day, react to things that happen to us, and take steps along our journey.
Learning these Physics principles helped me eke out a “B” in class, which I gladly settled for. But they kept coming back to me in the decades that followed, and they helped me understand:
- Psychology – By becoming self-aware, we can understand why we do what we do so we can travel through life more effectively and move toward emotional well-being.
- Philosophy – If we acquire wisdom about why we exist, it will help us understand the reality of who we are, where we are going, and how we should live.
- Recovery – If we don’t address our weaknesses and embrace a healthy lifestyle, we will struggle and suffer the consequences of our bad choices and addictions.
- Personal development – By being more intentional, we can better utilize our strengths to move purposefully in a positive direction that improves our life.
- Theology – God designed us with individual gifts. If we align our life to his values and gratefully follow his direction, we find more peace, joy, and purpose.
Fighting to stay awake on the back row of that lecture hall, I had no idea Physics might teach me something I could use in real life. But since God created the world, it makes sense he can use the scientific principles it runs on to help us understand how it works.
“The most dangerous thing in the world is to have no purpose.” (T.D. Jakes)
1 – Be Encouraged by Using Our Gifts and Our Design
We should all be encouraged to recognize we have been designed to find significance. By understanding this starting point for our life trajectory, we can better use our gifts to live a life with purpose. Here are some ways we can get started:
Realize we are created for something bigger than us
At times, if we listen closely, we all hear the inner whispers that our life is meant to have purpose, even if the busy-ness and distractions of real life drown out that quiet voice most of the time.
If we have found true meaning in our life, we understand God is in control, and he is good. The epiphany of purpose comes about when we also discover: “I am designed for something bigger than me, and it includes serving others.” God has a purpose for each of us. It is part of how we are created, and we just have to find it.
Here are some fictional examples of how people are created for something bigger than them:
- Anthony has been a people person his whole life, and he summarizes his purpose this way: “My goal is to love others unconditionally and foster meaningful connections with people around me.”
- Joan is both a dreamer and a person of action who states: “With God’s help, I hope to attempt great things in my life. My life’s purpose is to leave a legacy of striving valiantly toward big goals.”
- Tim has always wanted to help the less-than-privileged and is a social justice warrior: “My purpose is to stand up for issues I believe in, defend the poor, and contribute positively to my community.”
- Alicia enjoys nurturing relationships and looking after those closest to her: “I hope to build a warm and loving home with my family and to care for my children in the best way I can.”
- Randy likes learning and wants to grow closer to God: “I find inspiration and fulfillment from reading the Bible and other good books and thinking about how life is meant to work.”
I was in my 30s before I started thinking about deep ideas such as purpose. But even then, it seemed apparent that we are supposed to be engaged in something bigger than us. Later, the God part came along, and that changed everything.
I saw that God is real, and he is good. That was not only exciting and joyful, it was a relief! You mean I don’t have to figure it all out, and I don’t have to control every part of my life? And God has a role he wants me to play as part of his plan for the world?
That was an astounding epiphany for me to consider.
Now, I know I am designed for something bigger than me, and it includes serving God and helping hurting people. I have purpose because God has given it to me. And, yes, that does change everything.
“If you do not believe in a personal God, the question: ‘What is the purpose of life?’ is unaskable and unanswerable.” (J. R. R. Tolkien)
Understand our talents and strengths to achieve our potential
God gives us purpose, and he also designs each of us with specific talents, so it makes sense that our personal purpose would align with our strengths. The more we become aware of our talents, the better we can find our true purpose.
There are many techniques to help us discover our talents. Simply thinking about our strengths and what we enjoy doing is a good start. We can ask people close to us what they see as our strengths or use a coach to explore them in more detail. There are many personality tests available, such as the Enneagram and the Gallup StrengthsFinder methodology.
In his book The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren offers a tool for aligning how we are designed with what we do. He uses the acrostic S-H-A-P-E to suggest we take into account our: Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, and Experiences. There are many approaches out there, so we can pick one that looks interesting and give it a try.
During my years of management and hiring at IBM, I came to rely on some simple interview questions to help determine the right fit between how people are designed and their work. I would ask each job candidate these three questions: “What are you good at? What do you like to do? What gives you satisfaction?”
I only wish I had learned those lessons earlier so I could have used that methodology on myself.
My career included five different types of jobs. First was Industrial Engineering, which was a fit for my orientation toward methodical thinking and process. But in my mid-20s, I impulsively chose to go into Sales, which ran counter to my wiring as an introvert. My reasons had little to do with my strengths; I just wanted to earn lots of money and recognition.
Circumstances led to a role in Business Transformation which fit my ability to deal with complexity and the satisfaction I get from being a change agent. Then, I somehow forgot I hadn’t really enjoyed Sales that much and leaped back into it. A few years of stress and over-work led me to rethink that choice. This time, I thought about the activities I enjoyed and realized that Marketing was a good fit, so I made the change. I wish I had paid more attention to my design all along.
“A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.” (Larry Bird)
Address our weaknesses to be the best we can be
You have probably heard the expression: “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.” That’s not a perfect metaphor, but it’s a reminder that our weak areas lessen our effectiveness and make it harder to achieve what we are created to do.
It’s a good idea to focus on leveraging our strengths, but it’s also helpful to understand our weaknesses so we can improve them. There are even some amazing ways our weaknesses can actually help us improve our life and find purpose:
- Weakness brings us to rely on God’s strength: In 2 Corinthians 12:10, we learn, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” God uses our weaknesses to encourage us to depend on him. It seems a paradox, but we become strong in our areas of weakness when we ask God for help.
- Weak areas identify where we can improve: Winning coaches study the weaknesses of their teams and work to get better in those areas. Learning our weaknesses informs us what areas we can improve, minimize, or delegate to others.
- Weaknesses sometimes lead to our purpose: Many people who devote their lives to a purpose or ministry find calling in their area of weakness. It’s miraculous how God does some of his most exciting work in areas where we struggle the most.
My purpose was shaped significantly by my weaknesses, especially my addiction to alcohol. I learned—the hard way—how recovery helps us improve our lives in areas where we struggle. Those experiences led to my first book called STEPS: A Daily Journey to a Better Life which outlines techniques that help us get better in our weak areas and live life better.
I found much of my current purpose in recovery. Later, after years of part-time ministry, I decided to leave the business world to found a new nonprofit named STEPS Ministries. I have been greatly blessed by my weaknesses, and I am eternally grateful.
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Find a calling that serves as our personal purpose
The word “calling” may seem like religious speak to some, but it’s more than that. Because we all have a calling, even if we haven’t found it yet. A calling is a strong urge toward a particular way of life, an important direction motivated by a greater purpose. Our calling is something we feel strongly led to do. And when we pay attention, we can discern the source of that direction is God.
My calling began with the realization I wanted to help hurting people, especially those disenfranchised, stigmatized, or deemed less than by other groups. That component of my calling has remained constant while other aspects evolved over time.
After my first book, I stated blogging which kept me engaged in off-hours ministry. Over the next few years, the idea of finding my calling grew on me. I accepted that God had created me and allowed the experiences that occurred in my life. It made sense that his calling for me would be related.
I slowly came to the conclusion I was being led to leave IBM to go into full-time ministry. I thought about the life experiences that had shaped me and came up with six important areas: recovery, helping people improve their lives, utilizing my business background, working with churches, parenting, and serving people impacted by poverty and discrimination.
I left IBM in 2018 to found STEPS Ministries. Now, that ministry includes a focus on five of those six areas of calling, and the sixth area is developing. If we pursue our calling, we will discover it. If we search for purpose, we will find it.
Using our gifts and talents brings fulfillment. When we are doing what we are designed to do, we enjoy it more and make better progress. We look forward to what we do, and it brings us greater satisfaction. When we don’t use our gifts and design, it leads to frustration. We procrastinate, don’t perform well, get tired more easily, and struggle through activities less efficiently.
It is encouraging to know we are designed with gifts that are unique to us. That is our starting point, and it helps us see where we have been equipped to go. It helps us live a life with purpose.
“If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.” (Steve Jobs)
2 – Find Inspiration by Aligning Our Life to Our Values
Purpose is about determining where we are heading and taking steps to move in that direction. Purpose can be envisioned as a trajectory, and we now know our starting point. But where do we go from there?
One of my favorite Stephen Covey quotes is: “Begin with the end in mind.” A good way to do that is to utilize our values to help us envision where we want to go and then use them as road signs to guide us along our journey.
Our values are our principles or standards of desired behavior. They represent what we deem most important in life. Values are the beliefs we hold dear and the desirable qualities we want to achieve. We find inspiration when we are stimulated to do something, and our values serve as worthy goals we can dedicate our life to.
But we need to identify our personal values first. A great start is to adopt universal values that have been proposed by philosophers for centuries such as Identity, Contribution, and Community. Purpose is another, and it works in conjunction with the value of Meaning which is the foundation of our worldview, so we will start there.
Move toward meaning and find purpose by growing closer to God
Meaning is our most important value, and it is given to us by God. We achieve meaning and find purpose by growing closer to him. We can find inspiration that way as well, and the very nature of inspiration suggests the divine aspect of purpose. But how do we grow closer to God?
At some point, we take a leap of faith and commit our lives to him. But before and after that epiphany, we can grow closer to God one step at a time. Faith is a relationship that is a journey, not a set of rules that serve as a destination. God wants to have a relationship with us, and he will gently encourage us every step of the way as we move toward him.
But building a relationship is a two-way street, and we need to do our part. We tell God we want to know him better. We pray, meditate, listen, and obey. Reading good books and talking to people of faith are good steps. Reading the Bible teaches us about God, so that enhances our relationship as well.
And as we build a relationship with God that gives us purpose, at some point we experience an epiphany: we already have it.
After coming to faith at the age of forty, I slowly came to understand that my spiritual journey would be easy at times but harder at others. God must have planned it that way because he used both parts to help me grow closer to him.
What made it easier is that God guided, taught, and coaxed me along the way. One of my most amazing epiphanies was when I accepted—literally, not figuratively— this is a supernatural process, and I would experience miracles both small and large. At times, it was an “Aha!” moment as I read a Bible verse I knew was meant for me. In other instances, it was an epiphany such as a basketball superstar sitting next to me on an airplane.
But at times, it was harder. Having a quiet time to pray and read the Bible seems easy, but I often got antsy as stray thoughts, worries, and to do’s invaded my mind. Busy-ness, worry, and pride pursued me. My addictions seduced me to solve my problems by drinking or working. Tough times made me think God wasn’t paying attention to me anymore. Oddly, some of the hardest times to keep growing closer to God were when everything was going well!
I learned that growing closer to God is a lifelong journey, but it also brings inspiration and purpose to us along the way.
“God knows your value; He sees your potential. You may not understand everything you are going through right now. But hold your head up high, knowing that God is in control and he has a great plan and purpose for your life.” (Joel Osteen)
Move toward meaning and find purpose by serving others
Meaning is given to us by God, and we achieve more meaning by serving others. Knowing this to be true provides direction and purpose for our life every day. If we are serving others, we are not only moving toward purpose—we already have it.
There are countless opportunities to serve the people around us. It could be setting a positive example with a pleasant demeanor of calmness and compassion. Or saying something nice to the cashier at the grocery store or performing other small acts of kindness. Or sharing a word of encouragement or offering to help someone. And on and on.
The problem is we often aren’t looking for those opportunities. We are too busy, distracted, comfortable, or self-absorbed to pay attention to the needs of other people. That’s why it helps when we declare purpose as a key value and align our life to that goal.
God is involved in this process, which means we have the real-life opportunity to witness miracles. If we sincerely ask God to lead us to opportunities to serve others and keep our eyes open, we will find them. We may not know for sure which of those incidents are divine appointments God has orchestrated, but it is fun and exciting to look for them.
After the miraculous Dr. J incident described in the last article, I had found purpose in serving hurting people. I was still leading the church adult group, and it occurred to me I could help others serve people too. The next week, I asked for volunteers and gave each $100 with their commitment to use the money to serve someone during the next month.
The Sunday came for them to report to the group what they had done with the money. Many confessed to being nervous because the project took them out of their comfort zone. Some found it hard to free up the time to do it, and others had procrastinated.
But each story told seemed more moving and amazing than the last. One family had their children buy McDonald’s lunches and give them to homeless people in the park. Another sponsored a small party for a class of kids with special needs.
They found purpose by serving others, and each and every one felt their lives had been changed.
“The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth. It is obvious that man is himself a traveler; that the purpose of this world is not ‘to have and to hold’ but ‘to give and serve.’ There can be no other meaning.” (Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell)
Live with purpose guided by an integration of all our values
Values represent what we feel is important and provide direction for our life. The universal values of Meaning, Purpose, Identity, Contribution, and Community operate in synergistic integration with each other, so it doesn’t matter which value we tie a goal to.
For example, serving others helps us achieve Meaning and find Purpose. Understanding our Identity helps us choose what Contribution we are meant to make, and any of these values may provide an opportunity to embrace Community. Our values point us in the right direction, and that’s good enough.
Purpose represents the trajectory for where we are going, and we can determine our direction and find inspiration by aligning our life to our values—all of them. That is how we live a life with purpose.
When Dr. J sat next to me on that airplane, God was being gracious with me. He had likely presented me with other opportunities to discover my purpose including the day before when I met with Larry at Frontline Outreach. Perhaps I busily hurried past those invitations, turned away in fear of failure, or disobeyed them entirely.
But in the miraculous happenings of the “Community Christmas at Frontline Outreach” event:
- Meaning was provided for why I was here on earth in order to serve God and other people.
- I found Purpose that showed me where I was going and how to align my life with my values.
- The events helped me understand my Identity by challenging me to do what I was called to do.
- I was forced to choose the Contribution I would make even through it was frightening to consider.
- Those weeks were a blessing that brought me into Community with an incredible group of dedicated pastors, 200 hard-working volunteers, and 600 guests who broke my heart but warmed my life.
If we don’t align our life to our values, it leads to emptiness. We drift through our days aimlessly, and we languish in that mediocrity.
Aligning our life to our values leads to significance, and we find passion in what we are doing. We become inspired by a future that is both significant and possible.
One way or the other, at some point we will look back on our life and ask ourself: “What did I do that had purpose?”
“It is a mistake to think that moving fast is the same as actually going somewhere.” (Steve Goodier)
Question: How can you use your gifts and design and align your life to your values?
Action: Read Part 3 of this series by clicking here: “Finding Purpose in the Path.”
