(Check out Part 1 of this article by clicking here!)
How We Grow Up – Part 2
As we learned in Part 1 of this article, we’re never done “growing up.”
We saw that the proven medical concept of neuroplasticity enables us to keep learning and changing for our whole life.
In fact, we aren’t ready to “grow up” until later in life than most people think. That’s because, earlier on, our brain is not fully developed yet! Of particular interest is a critical section of the brain called the prefrontal cortex which is not completely developed until about age 25, or even later for some of us. What does the prefrontal cortex do?
- Weighs outcomes, evaluates consequences of our actions, and helps us plan toward future goals.
- Forms judgments, assesses good versus bad, controls impulses, and moderates social behavior.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (The Apostle Paul)
This is one reason why many of us don’t focus on bigger, deeper concepts like our values or worldview until we get older. But by understanding how people learn, change, and mature—how we grow up—we can better see how life works, and we can move:
FROM: Short-term thinking that is as times random, impulsive, or compulsive.
TO: Understanding our life has a trajectory that we can navigate intentionally.
This is a big part of what growing up is all about, and that process can continue for our entire life as we increasingly learn to:
- Think deeper – Increase our self-awareness and “world-awareness” by asking deep questions and searching for answers that represent the truth about how life really works.
- Think bigger – Understand that life is not only about us and that we are meant for something bigger, and we are designed to have an impact on the people and the world around us.
- Think long-term – Internalize the cause-and-effect manner in which our choices and actions lead to consequences later and embrace the biblical truth, “We reap what we sow.”
- Think proactively – Learn to take positive steps on a daily basis to move in the right direction, and embrace the fact that this is a great way in which we can make life better.
“You’re a grown-up, and you get to decide what behaviors affect you for five minutes versus what behaviors change you as a person.” (Kelly Williams Brown)
Thinking about our values and worldview provides the opportunity to discover epiphanies along our life journey. Putting them into practice on a daily basis can lead to breakthroughs that transform our lives:
FROM: Shallow, narrow, self-absorbed, impulsive, compulsive, immature, and harmful.
TO: Aware, meaningful, significant, intentional, thoughtful, wise, mature, and effective.
As we move through our teens and 20s, we often go about exploring lifestyles to learn what works for us. That’s fine, but we can grow up more effectively if we think about our values and worldview along the way. Otherwise, “we don’t know what we don’t know,” and we may wander around trying to figure life out for years. Which can turn into decades and sometimes—tragically—become too late.
Each of the almost 8 billion people on earth forms a worldview and a set of values unique to them, whether they focus on the process or not. This is why people in similar circumstances may have drastically different life experiences. Some choose to live expectantly in anticipation of finding peace, joy, and purpose, while others live fearfully while dreading anxiety, sadness, and frustration.
To a large degree, life is what we choose it to be.
The good news is that, no matter how old we are, we can choose to approach life in a more intentional manner. If we look back and realize that we have not been very thoughtful in developing our values and our worldview, we have an opportunity: We can start now.
“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” (George Elliott)
My Lifestyle Journey – Part 2
After college, I started work at IBM in Tucson, Arizona. At least, I had gotten a good degree in school, somewhat in spite of the fact that much of my time had been spent searching for fun and pleasure rather than for something more meaningful.
Facing real life was exciting, but it was a bit daunting to be out in the world totally on my own. It helped that IBM was hiring lots of college graduates in Tucson at the time, so it was easy to find new friends to work, hang out, drink, and party with.
The next 6 years of my life have taken on an interesting perspective as I have looked back at them in recent years. At the time, I thought I was just living, but in retrospect I can see that I was also experimenting with a variety of lifestyle choices and searching for what life was all about.
I wasn’t thinking about big ideas such as meaning, identity, contribution, community, or purpose. But without knowing it, those things were exactly what I was looking for. In essence, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” So, I experimented with lifestyle choices to see which ones might work for me.
In Tucson, I was looking for adventure and excitement, and being in a new part of the country with other young people with discretionary income made that possible. Later, I also focused on achievement and career because I thought those things would make life better too. That journey was interrupted briefly by a DUI on a trip to California, but I shrugged that off without attaching much significance to what it really meant.
After a few years, I decided to transfer out of Engineering and move into Sales, still with IBM. Ideally, we should go about making significant career moves in a thoughtful and mature fashion, but I did it for 2 reasons: to make as much money as I could, and because I thought that Sales was where the “cool people” at IBM worked.
That career change took me back to Atlanta. Sales did provide the opportunity to obtain money and recognition (aka pride and ego), both of which I enjoyed. And it wasn’t hard to keep drinking because that work environment and the people I was hanging around made that easy. God was not on my radar screen during those years, so I didn’t hear his promptings about the choices I was making.
As I moved through my 20s, those experiments with a variety of lifestyles taught me something: they didn’t work! That didn’t mean there was anything inherently wrong with excitement, achievement, career, money, or recognition, and even drinking is okay if it’s managed properly. I had what seemed like a good life at the time. But, on their own, obtaining those things still left holes in my life.
It seemed like something was missing. Heading toward the “Big 30,” I began to wonder where my life was heading. Even after trying out all sorts of different lifestyles, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
The Conclusion of the Matter
Solomon, reputed to be the wisest man in the world, searched for satisfaction like a scientific experiment, trying out lifestyles in a systematic approach to find the meaning of life. Afterwards, he concluded that the approaches he tried were, “Utterly meaningless!”
“I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” (Solomon)
Where did Solomon go wrong in his search for wisdom? He was looking in the wrong places, seeking lasting satisfaction from activities that can only bring short-term bursts of pleasure.
How can we learn from Solomon’s experiences, and how can we avoid “chasing after the wind?”
We can focus on things that really matter in the long run. Before, we discussed 5 universal values that can serve as cornerstones of our worldview. By using these values to provide direction, we can move toward wisdom and understanding, and our “growing up” process can continue. Those values are:
Meaning: The way we relate to God affects everything else about our existence. Our goal is to pursue “Spiritual Wisdom” and surrender ourselves to that process. Faith is a choice, and understanding the meaning of life and of the world begins with our relationship with the One who created them.
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Solomon)
Identity: It is healthy for us to become more self-aware to understand not only why we do the things we do, but also to discover who we are designed to be. This growing-up process of transformation leads us toward a personal identity marked by a healthy sense of self and feelings of contentment and “Emotional Well-being.”
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” (E. E. Cummings)
Contribution: Our understanding of self becomes even more exciting when we seek to discover all that we are truly meant to contribute to the world. We each have our own talents, and we are meant to strive for “Personal Excellence,” measured by progress and not perfection. We can improve ourself, our life, and the world around us one step at a time.
“The only unique contribution you can offer the world is to be who you actually are and no one else.” (Ashly Lorenzana)
Community: We are designed to live in community with other people. We can take steps toward achieving this type of “Social Connection” when we show empathy for others and invest in positive relationships. We see that life is a journey that is more enjoyable and meaningful if we travel with other people along the way.
“Maturity is when your world opens up and you realize that you are not the center of it.” (M.J. Croan)
Purpose: We all yearn to be part of something bigger than us, and hopefully at some point we see that this involves being of service to other people. We can find purpose and “Societal Significance” through our compassion for others and by stepping out of our comfort zone to do what we can to help them.
“The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.” (Albert Schweitzer)
We each have a finite time on earth, and searching for satisfaction in the wrong places will only lead us to pain and bitterness. God has designed us for more than that, and if we trust him and live life the way it is designed to be lived, we can find meaning, identity, contribution, community, and purpose.
Rather than allowing our self-centered and short-term lifestyle choices to dictate who we become, we can thoughtfully choose our values and our worldview. This intentional search for truth and wisdom will help us become the person we are meant to be.
Life is meant to be an exciting journey of discovery. As we ask deeper and bigger questions, we will encounter “Aha!” moments of clarity and discover new ideas and insights along the way. Those epiphanies can lead to breakthroughs that can transform our lives.
Life is an adventure, and we can continue “growing up” the whole time!
“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Question: Do you accept the statement that you are not yet done growing up?
Action: Use the 5 universal values to help you create a summary of your worldview.
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