Listen to the 8-minute podcast version
Watch a 1-minute introductory video
If you haven’t done so already, please read Part 1 of “How to Be Proactive About Vaping” which addressed many of the most common questions people have about the issue.
But it’s also important for parents to understand that vaping is best handled as part of a longer-term plan for how to protect our kids from addictions and help them lead a happier life.
Which leads us to the rest of the story …
How to Be Proactive About Vaping
Should you allow your kids to try vaping?
Running a ministry that is focused on the prevention of addiction, the easy answer is, “No!” But sometimes it’s more complicated than that. Some situations, and most kids, are different. There’s not always one perfect answer, so you may need to make a judgment call.
We had to make choices with our older son. Late in high school, he wanted to smoke cigarettes. We were very much against it. My Dad died of lung cancer. But he had just gotten out of a recovery program, and there were other factors in his situation. We wound up telling him we didn’t approve of it and told him why, but we said we would not stop him. Looking back, was it the right decision? I’ll never be sure, but I think so. Sometimes, it’s complicated, and you have to pick your battles.
That’s why they pay parents the big bucks, right?
Learning how to be proactive about vaping is important, but we will also use this discussion to reinforce key points on protecting kids from addictions in general. Here are things to consider:
Be proactive
Raise your kids using the principles of Proactive Parenting. This is a much broader topic than we can cover here, and we have a lot of material available about how to do that. It includes building your relationship. Talk to them about situations and issues before they occur, including vaping. Anticipate they will experiment with something and work out your approach ahead of time. Sometimes, waiting until it happens is already too late.
Think long-term
There are many different paths kids take toward adulthood, but along the way they need to learn to make their own wise choices. Their steady advancement toward responsibility, your balanced relationship with them, the development of their own personal faith, and helping them prevent serious addictions are all more important than vaping itself. But how you handle vaping will affect how things go in those other areas, so see it as a subset of the bigger issues.
Have a bigger plan
Parents should have a specific—ideally written—plan for how they will protect their kids against addictions and help them lead a happier life. Every parent. You owe it to your kids, God, and yourself to do so. STEPS Proactive Parenting has products and training to help you do that, and your role is to do all you can to become the best parent you can be.
Be consistent
I suggest not wavering from this position: “I don’t approve of vaping. I think it is bad for you and can potentially lead to bigger problems. I strongly prefer you not do it, at least until you are an adult when you have the right to lead your own life. My desire would be that you choose for yourself not to go down that road and stick with it.”
But also be consistent in your unconditional love for them, even if they have experimented with vaping. Whatever boundaries you choose to set, make sure that your kids always know it is because you love them and want what is best for them.
Don’t over react
Yelling won’t work, and emotions cloud your judgment. If you find out your kid is vaping, love them first rather than over-react with anger and possible hypocrisy. The ideal outcome is not for you to forcibly control them into doing what you want them to do. Especially if this was just an initial experiment, don’t over-react, because most teenagers will experiment with something. But be extremely thoughtful on how you handle it, and choose your response as part of your overall parenting plan. This is a very significant decision, but the world is not ending.
Don’t under react
Do not ignore it, don’t pass it off as trivial, and be clear that you don’t support it. Whatever your decision, watch them more closely in the future, and be very involved in their life. If it becomes a habit they can’t control or if you see other danger signs, escalate the tone of the conversation and the boundaries you are setting accordingly.
Keep your balance
Maintain your credibility with your kids, which starts by knowing the facts. Use the Serenity Prayer to help you balance grace and love with discipline and boundaries. Your goal is to guide and coach them into making proper decisions. Sometimes, but not always, a compromise may be an acceptable approach. That’s where judgment comes in.
Use it as an opportunity
All the time, especially on sensitive topics, try to talk with them rather than at them. Ask why they want to try vaping. If they brought it up to you, tell them you appreciate their honesty and honor that trust. Allow them more room than if you caught them hiding it or lying about it. Calmly tell them why you are concerned, and seek to connect with them.
Focusing on the Big Picture
In summary, parenting is one of the most important things you will do in your entire life.
And for many families, vaping may be the initial battle in a much bigger war. But, despite that metaphor, your objective is not to win the battle. It is to not have a battle at all, but to work alongside your teenager to help them learn to make good decisions on their own.
Because your larger goal is not to win a war with your kids. But to jointly declare yourselves as allies who have the same goals, which are for them to build the personal character, emotional resilience, and spiritual understanding to live life effectively.
Which will also protect them from addictions and help them lead a happier life.
Question: Do you now feel more prepared for how to be proactive about vaping with your kids?
Action: From my heart, lessons from (good and bad) experience, and much research, I feel it would be good for your family if you take the course “How to Protect Your Kids from Addictions and Help Them Lead a Happier Life.” Yes, it costs money, but proceeds go to STEPS Ministries and support the goals of helping people improve their lives, grow closer to God, and prevent addiction.
Take a minute to check it out now at StepsProactiveParentingCourse.com …
